As Valentine’s Day 2019 approaches, I’ve been hearing from some of my patients that they’re pretty unhappy about being single. They wish that they were in a relationship and they’re convinced that their life would be so much better, if they only had somebody to love.
I understand where they’re coming from. Times are crazier than ever and having a warm, loving person to cuddle up with at night can alleviate a lot of stress. Having someone to share our hopes and dreams with and having the opportunity to be there for one-other is great, but it’s not always easy to find that special person.
If you want to find love I would definitely encourage you to keep trying. One way to meet new people is to get involved in an activity that you do on a regular basis. Whether it’s a skiing club, hiking club, biking club or tennis club; a dance class, art class, choir or church group, seeing the same people repeatedly and having at least one thing in common with them will greatly increase your chances of finding a mate.
Also, it’s more fun and meaningful to live your life doing the things that you feel passionate about. When you’re happier, people will find you more appealing and someone might even start talking to you in the coffee line just because they like your smile.
Doing all of this is going to make your life better but it’s no guarantee that you’ll meet your soulmate before Valentine’s Day arrives. You have to be patient with the process and not lose hope, and you have to be able to take care of yourself in the meantime.
If you find yourself without a partner this coming Valentine’s Day, I offer up a few suggestions.
1: Being single is not a disease. It doesn’t help if you put yourself down for not having a partner on this night. You’re not a “loser” or a “failure” if you haven’t found love.
You’re not single because of any inadequacies or shortcomings within you. Often, finding that special someone is just the luck of the draw. Instead of berating yourself for being unattached, try to put things in perspective. Think about all the good things you have in your life and be grateful for those.
2: There’s no substitute for self-love. When you nurture yourself, you feel fulfilled. Sure, you might still want a partner but at least you won’t feel like you desperately need one. And, when you’re filled with self-love, you’ll be walking around feeling complete.
With self-love, you won’t feel the burning need for someone else to compensate for the lack of love in your life. If you do meet someone, your relationship will be based on caring and sharing, rather than needing the other person to fill a void inside you.
3: Being desperate always backfires. Desperation makes you jump at the first person you see, rather than waiting for the right person to come along. Love, even a real connection, isn’t something you can force.
You may or may not someday find the love of your life – hopefully, you will – but it won’t happen by trying too hard. Live your best life and be your best self and if the person of your dreams is out there, they’re likely to find you.
4: Say no to self-pity, yes to being proactive. You don’t have to be desperate but you can make yourself more available. Get out there and join that club, take that class or connect with a social group.
Participate in sports or community activities. Get involved with things that you feel passionate about and over time, you’re likely to make some new friends; maybe even meet someone nice.
5: Meanwhile, feed your soul. Get out into nature and commune with the universe. Take part in spiritual or religious services. Meditate, do yoga, practice mindfulness. Any of these will help you to feel happy and fulfilled, whether or not you find love by Valentine’s Day.
6: Rediscover the artist within you. We were all creative as kids; it’s just that some of us forgot how great it is to create. Doing art of any type is going to be incredibly uplifting and meaningful. Art is something that you can do just for yourself.
Being creative is empowering because doing art makes you happy. And, if you gain some mastery, other people will likely want to write, or dance, or play music with you. Creative collaborations may or may not lead to love but they’re fantastically fun.
7: Value your friends and family. You have people in your life, right now, who love and accept you unconditionally and who’ll be there for you whenever you need them.
You may not have a romantic partner but you do have love in your life. Be grateful for these relationships and put energy into keeping them strong and you’ll feel a lot less lonely on Valentine’s Day.
8: Giving love fills you with love. Being a kind, caring, generous person will bring you fulfillment and a deeper sense of connection with others. Altruism is extremely rewarding.
Studies have shown how the happiest people are the ones who are the most generous. You may or may not find your soul-mate while you’re out there giving to others but your life will be rich and filled with joy and meaning.
Valentine’s Day comes once a year. Whether or not you have a date that night, you can have plenty of love, fun and fulfillment throughout the year. Follow the above suggestions and you’ll never have to worry about Valentine’s Day again.
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