How to Make New Year’s Resolutions That Stick

As we move into the New Year, many of us have made resolutions. Unfortunately, most of us will have abandoned these resolutions by the end of January. Research has shown that up to 80% of people who make resolutions don’t keep them.

When we make resolutions, it’s because we want to change something about ourselves; something that’s making us unhappy. It’s sad, then, that so many of us fail to keep these resolutions. The good news is that there’s a way we can make resolutions that stick.

First, we need to understand why our resolutions fail. They fail because many of our resolutions aren’t what we really want but are changes that we think we should make. They fail because anytime we tell ourselves that we “should” do something, there’s an immediate pushback. Human beings tend to resist being pushed around and we resist anything that feels like an imposition.

So, if we want to make resolutions that succeed, we need to get in touch with what we really want and make changes that are meaningful to us and that really matter. We can’t impose changes on ourselves and we can’t force ourselves to do things. When changes are meaningful and integral to our true wishes and goals, they’re much more likely to stick.

Change is hard and won’t happen unless it’s meaningful

The thing to understand is that change is hard. It takes work, sacrifice, and perseverance. If it’s not something that really matters to us, we’re not going to be willing to stick with it. On the other hand, if the change is something that we really believe in, we’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

A lot of the time, we try to make changes because of external pressure. Someone in our family, a friend, or a social media influencer tells us that we should change something about ourselves. Even if the change is a positive one, it’s not coming from within ourselves, so it’s not likely to stick.

The only way for our New Year’s resolutions to stick is to tune out all the external noise and tune in to what we really want. If we’re going to make real and lasting changes in our lives, they can’t be things that other people want for us. They have to be what we truly want for ourselves.

There are ways to make resolutions that stick

When we’re approaching a New Year’s resolution, there are a couple of things we need to do in order to be successful.

First, we have to ask ourselves the important question: why do I want to make these changes? For example, if we’re just trying to lose weight because someone we know or someone online has told us that we’re not good enough at the weight we’re at, it’s not going to work because it’s a superficial, external “should” and not a meaningful want.

On the other hand, if we realize that we really want to be healthier because we want to be around for our grandchildren, we’re more likely to succeed because that is a deeper want and not based on something superficial or on some “should.”

Second, we have to set ourselves up for success. We have to create the circumstances that make it easiest for us to pursue the changes we want to make. For example, if we want to eat healthier, we need to find a grocery store nearby that sells good food and we need to set aside the time to prepare and eat the food. Otherwise, the change won’t happen. These simple and practical steps can make all the difference in creating change that sticks.

When I think about New Year’s resolutions, I like to envision the year ahead of me and focus on a few important goals. Then I try to break down some of the steps that would lead to achieving these goals. A New Year’s resolution is not always a simple thing, and we have to appreciate that it could be a long-term process. We need to be prepared to put in the time, effort, and energy. For that reason, it has to be worth it, and it has to be something that we really care about.

Ruthless Compassion helps to make lasting resolutions

In approaching New Year’s resolutions, I like to bring the concept of Ruthless Compassion into the mix. Ruthless Compassion is a philosophy that combines three important concepts: curiosity, clarity, and kindness.

1. Curiosity: When making a resolution, our curiosity leads us to ask ourselves why we’re making this choice. Is it something that we want or something that we’re being told to do? Is it something meaningful to us or is it driven by superficial things like greed or vanity? When we ask ourselves these questions, we create the circumstances for successful resolutions.

2. Clarity: Our sense of clarity enables us to face the truth about what has been driving the behaviours that we want to change. Superficial solutions to behaviours that are addictive or compulsive (like drinking too much, eating too much, spending too much, or being on our devices too much) don’t work because they’re simplistic and miss the point. Our behaviours have meaning and if we don’t understand what’s driving them, we won’t be able to change them. Imposing some “should” won’t make any difference.

Our clarity enables us to look at our past, present, and future, and see what our behaviours mean. We can explore what traumas from our past might be driving our present-day addictive or compulsive behaviours. We can look at how our behaviour today is affecting us and the people around us, and we can look forward into the future and imagine how this behaviour will affect us and the people around us in days to come. This kind of clarity is what’s needed for meaningful and lasting change.

3. Kindness: Our kindness makes everything possible. Many people avoid self-reflection because they’re afraid that they’re going to see things about themselves that they won’t like and then they will feel bad about themselves. Kindness is important because it enables us to look at our addictive or compulsive behaviours and see that we’re not “bad” for engaging in them. Kindness enables us to see that there’s always a reason for our behaviour, even if on the surface, we don’t know what it is.

Making resolutions that stick is possible

With Ruthless Compassion, we can have curiosity about our behaviour without self-judgment; we can see things clearly without self-criticism, and we can make changes from a place of true want as opposed to any “shoulds.”

In order to make New Year’s resolutions that stick, then, we need to understand why we’re making them, tune out the “shoulds,” and bring Ruthless Compassion into the process. In this way, we won’t be among the group whose resolutions are abandoned by the end of January. We’ll be the ones who create positive change for ourselves.

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