What is The Silver Lining of the Cloud Called Trauma?

A conversation about trauma

I was interviewed recently by Devon Peacock of CFPL London, Ontario. We were talking about the trauma of the last two tragic incidents over the past six months in which people out walking were killed by motor vehicles.

The first accident was deliberate and the second one appears to have been accidental, but they were both shocking and horrifying to the citizens of the community and to everyone across Canada.

Devon and I discussed the nature of trauma and how it lowers our resilience and makes us more susceptible to other traumatic events. We discussed how the second incident, only six months later, has triggered our trauma from the first one.

This conversation got me thinking about all the different ways that trauma can affect us, including one surprisingly positive outcome, which is that trauma can lead to a deepening of our empathy and compassion.

Trauma can help us to open our hearts

If we don’t shut down our feelings in the face of trauma and if we practice self-compassion around all our symptoms of trauma, the experience can enable us to open our hearts a lot more.

Feeling our own deep pain gives us a deeper awareness of what it means to suffer for anyone. As a result, we become more empathetic toward others who are suffering.

Our own trauma, if we allow it, can make turn us into a kinder and more sensitive person. It can turn us into someone who can no longer sit by and do nothing in the face of the suffering of others.

When we allow ourselves to feel the pain of our trauma and when we don’t judge ourselves for our responses to this pain, we transform into more compassionate individuals. Our heart goes out to those who are in pain and we are moved to be of assistance to them.

Trauma can have both negative and positive consequences

I have written extensively about all the negative consequences of trauma, so it’s important to offer a balanced perspective. Yes, trauma can be debilitating—even devastating—but if we’re willing to stay open and face our pain, then trauma can be a growth-promoting experience.

Not only will it make us more empathetic toward others, it will also prevent us from falling into dysfunctional coping mechanisms. If we’re feeling and dealing with our pain, we won’t need to turn to behaviours meant to repress it.

If we’re feeling and dealing with our pain, we’re far less likely to get caught up in addiction, abusive relationships, or self-destructive behaviours.

If we’re feeling and dealing with our pain, our hearts remain open and we feel an even stronger sense of oneness with others. We recognize that suffering is one of the things that we all have in common – Everybody hurts, as the old R.E.M. song so aptly put it.

When we feel more connected to one-another, we’re less likely to engage in hurtful behaviours toward them and we’re much more likely to engage in acts of kindness. The more we choose to “feel and deal,” the more our trauma leads to self-compassion and to compassion toward others.

Corporate greed promotes consumerism versus healing

The epidemic of emotional numbing in the face of trauma is supported by all the corporations that profit massively from our habit of consuming food, alcohol, and possessions in order to bury our pain.

But the more we numb ourselves, the more dead we feel, and the more likely it is that we’ll turn to blind consumerism and at the same time, abandon ourselves and one- another. In that way, we add more suffering into the world.

On the other hand, the more we face our trauma, feel our feelings, and get down to the difficult but powerfully transformative work of healing, the more we become adept at engaging in loving self-care and loving-kindness to each-other.

The silver lining of the cloud called trauma is that it can make us better people. It enables us to be kinder to ourselves, to stop doing harm, and to be more attuned to the suffering of others.

It’s possible to change ourselves and change our world

Imagine a world in which people were alive in their emotions, free of addiction and filled with loving-kindness. It seems like an impossible fantasy, but it starts with using trauma as the key to unlock our hearts.

By the simple act of facing, feeling, and healing our emotional pain, we open the door to becoming the best versions of ourselves and to starting to create a better world.

You can listen to my podcast episodes where I discuss these types of feelings with a trauma specialist, Dr. Gabor Maté.

Part 1

Part 2

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Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.