When we think about romance it’s easy to become confused about what’s a sign of a potentially positive relationship and what’s a bad one.
There is a lot of misinformation about love going around these days and we heed it at our own peril.
Romantic movies and TV shows often misrepresent how relationships should proceed, presenting super-dysfunctional behaviour as acceptable and even desirable.
One such behaviour is love-bombing. Like the name suggests, it’s an overly-intense way of courting someone that is always driven by unhealthy motives.
These extreme displays of affection might seem ultra-romantic, especially in the light of all the shows playing on TV and in theatres these days but in fact, they’re red flags, warning you that you’re entering into dangerous territory.
Beware the red flags
Someone who is overly intense, wanting to spend every minute with you and showering you with gifts, compliments and attention right from the outset is not the ideal romantic partner – they’re a potential abuser.
Love bombing is not a sign of love; it’s a sign of manipulation. The other person is pulling out all the stops to charm you and seduce you so that you’ll agree to their terms – which ultimately will turn out to be 100% in their favour.
Once they’ve hooked you, they’ll become more overtly controlling, aggressive, crazy-making and undermining. They’ll guilt-trip you, making you feel like you owe them for “all the wonderful things” they’ve done for you.
Beware the guilt trips
Normal, healthy relationships never involve control, manipulation, gaslighting or expectations of tit-for-tat.
Normal, healthy relationships evolve gradually over time. They start out light and easy and they slowly grow in depth and meaning as you get to know each other organically.
Anyone who is pushing you to go faster, deeper is not demonstrating their undying love for you. They’re showing you their true colours.
This is a sign that they want something from you and that they’re putting on a big show in order to get it. How you feel and what you need aren’t important.
Your needs and feelings matter
When someone love-bombs you, it’s actually a boundary violation. The other person is not being sensitive to your natural need to take your time in getting to know them and in building trust with them.
Even though on the surface, they seem to adore you, the truth is that they are only thinking about what they want.
When someone goes too fast, too hard into a relationship it has nothing to do with love. The other person doesn’t know you. They haven’t had the time to learn any of the important things about you that would make you lovable to them.
The love bomber is trying to control you, right from the start of the relationship. And they won’t stop trying to control you. And tragically, when you push back, that’s when you’ll see just how nasty they can be.
Narcissists are the people who engage in love bombing, and they are not okay with their needs being thwarted. They will find ways to punish you for refusing to give them what they want.
The heightened romance of love-bombing can quickly transform into a nightmare scenario when the narcissistic partner feels enraged at your refusal to “cooperate.”
Beware of narcissistic rage
As Valentines Day approaches, you should seriously consider the dark side of love bombing.
If a potential new partner comes along and tries to shower you with too much affection, too intensely and too quickly, and if you feel like you’re being swept off your feet, recognize this for what it really is and get yourself away from this person as fast as you can
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