This week saw January 2nd, World Introvert Day, and I’m celebrating. I’m one of the 15% of the population who calls themselves an introvert and I’m feeling pretty good about it.
When I was growing up I didn’t know that there were extroverts and introverts in the world. I thought that there were simply people. I had always wondered as a kid why I had some very different likes and dislikes, compared to my peers. When I read the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, I felt like I’d finally found my people.
It’s always been a bit harder to be the person at the large gathering who’d rather be at home or the person who’s first to leave the dinner party. In a social situation I’m great with a maximum of four people, but put me in a crowd, especially a noisy one, and I’m not going to be happy. I thought that this was my own unique issue but now I’m relieved to see that introverts everywhere feel the same way.
What Susan Cain said in her book has been revelatory for us introverts and hopefully, explanatory to all the extroverts out there who think of us as “weird” or “defective” in some way. Being an introvert is not a pathological state; it’s an inborn temperament and it confers a number of significant advantages.
Introverts think before they speak and before they act. They’re more internally motivated, as opposed to reward-seeking. They tend to be more modest, so they don’t assume that they’re always right. In fact, they act as great balances for the extroverted doers and bold risk-takers who may need a bit of tempering.
In an article by Jenn Granneman in the magazine Introvert, Dear, the author describes many attributes of introverts, including the fact that we’re excellent “problem-solvers and idea-generators,” as well as “better team players than extroverts over the long run.” She describes introverts as better at persevering and sticking with problems and as excellent writers and creatives, in general.
Ms. Granneman says that introverts can “bring incredible depth” to their relationships and at the same time, are “super low maintenance friends and employees.” She lists some famous creative introverts, including Lady Gaga, Steven Spielberg, Gwyneth Paltrow and Elton John. She lists some public figures who are introverts as well, including Mother Theresa, Bill Gates and Barack Obama.
I always wondered why I needed to take some alone time after a long day at work or after being out at a social gathering. Now I understand that introverts recharge by being alone, whereas extroverts recharge by being with other people.
The thing that everyone needs to understand is that introverts aren’t antisocial. We don’t dislike other people. It’s just that we aren’t crazy about crowds, especially noisy ones, as we don’t do well with highly stimulating environments. Introverts can be very loving and fun to be with when we’re not feeling overwhelmed by a crowd of acquaintances or worse, strangers.
Introverts can be more thoughtful and sensitive; which is not to say that extroverts can’t be this way either. Spending quiet time alone with our thoughts can give us introverts an advantage when it comes to creativity and career-building. A lot of my best ideas have come when I was alone, just thinking.
Introverts are fortunate in that we enjoy our alone time. We can always think of something to do to amuse ourselves. We often have solitary hobbies, like writing or painting, stamp collecting or reading, and we enjoy doing things like going for walks on our own. This doesn’t mean that we don’t enjoy spending time with other people; it’s just that we’re perfectly happy to be by ourselves.
Often I used to wonder why, as an introvert, I could be fearless in speaking to large groups of people. Susan Cain explained in Quiet that when an introvert is passionate about something, they can lose their natural reserve. This has been the case for me when I appear on television or do live radio interviews. I love sharing the things I’m passionate about with others so I feel very comfortable appearing on air.
Introverts are happy being in relationships with both types of people. I have friends who are bigger introverts than me and friends who are extreme extroverts. Sometimes, being around the extroverts can be a bit overwhelming, especially at gatherings in which all their extrovert friends and family members are talking loudly and all at the same time. That’s usually about the time when I quietly make my exit.
The good news is that my extroverted friends and loved ones understand that being an introvert is just part of who I am. They understand that even though they might enjoy certain types of social situations, I may not. If I need to leave a party early nobody holds it against me. They’re just glad I showed up in the first place.
One really important point that Ms. Cain makes in her book Quiet is that introverted children shouldn’t be forced to socialize with their peers in the same way as the extroverted children are expected to. She makes a case for being understanding toward these kids and accepting that their social style is not wrong; it’s just different.
I’m happy that Ms. Cain’s book came out, so that more introverts can see that there’s nothing wrong with their need for quiet alone-time, and so that more extroverts can see that it’s not a problem when their introverted friends and loved ones need to go off and be alone, sometimes.
As the famous introvert Greta Garbo is rumored to have said, “I want to be left alone.” We introverts don’t want this all the time, but occasionally it’s exactly what we need. Give us a few hours to recharge our batteries and we’ll be back out in the crowd with all the extroverts, at least for as long as we can stand it.
Sign up here for my free biweekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel to watch my series Moving into Autumn with Good Self-Care, where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones this fall season.
Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.
