Watching the finale of the Bachelorette this season was a surprisingly inspiring experience. There was the heartbreaking goodbye with Tyler; the joyful – to Hannah, at least – proposal from Jed, and then the news of Jed’s betrayal.
Unfortunately, there had been so many leaks before the show was aired that everyone knew what to expect, so the drama of that particular revelation was diminished. What nobody knew, however, was how Hannah was going to deal with finding out about Jed having lied to her, and that was the real surprise and inspiration of the final show.
Hannah Brown is a 24 year old woman from Tuscaloosa, Alabama. She’s a former Miss Alabama USA pageant winner and a previous contestant on the 2018 season of The Bachelor. She competed in her pageant on a mental health platform, as she’d had her own history of anxiety and depression.
Hannah had spoken openly in previous episodes this season about how she had tolerated being lied to in the past, and she shared in the last episode that she’d finally learned that she didn’t have to put up with this kind of behavior. She said, in the last show, that previously she’d been too focused on holding on to her relationships, but that this is no longer the case.
When Hannah learned, shortly after she became engaged to Jed, that he’d been seeing another woman right up to a few days before he left to film the show, she did the right thing and confronted him. She did it in the best possible way – kindly, honestly and courageously. She wanted to know the facts and she wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the complete truth.
In that conversation, which was filmed and then broadcast on the final show, Hannah discovered that Jed had told this other woman that he loved her on more than one occasion and that he hadn’t broken up with her before coming onto the show.
His excuse was that he didn’t see it as a relationship and that he’d ended it in his own mind but Hannah, rightly, didn’t buy it. Jed admitted that he’d kept the truth from her for fear that he’d lose her, but Hannah wasn’t impressed by this admission. At the end of the conversation, she’d removed her engagement ring and had set it on the table in front of her.
It was impressive to see this young woman being so strong and so clear about what she wanted – and didn’t want – in a relationship.
In this conversation with Jed Hannah made it clear that she couldn’t see herself starting a life together based on a set of lies, and she reminded Jed of how she’d been so open with him about the hurts she’d experienced at the hands of men who’d lied to her in the past. She let him know that his behavior had been unacceptable and that her trust for him has been shaken to its very core.
When the clip of the confrontation ended and Chris Harrison asked Hannah about the status of the relationship, Hannah verified that she had broken up with Jed and that it was over between them. She looked both determined and heartbroken, and one could only feel proud of her and yet sad for her at the same time. She had really loved Jed.
Too often, we see depictions – either fictional or in reality TV – of a person putting up with a partner who lies or cheats because they feel the need to be in a relationship.
Hannah impressed us all when she made it clear that although she would like a man in her life, she doesn’t need one, and that she’s not going to accept the kind of behavior that Jed demonstrated because she knows that she deserves better.
It was even more impressive the way that Hannah handled herself when Jed came onto the final show. She was kind and thoughtful and even as she was telling Jed that after what he’d done, she didn’t love him anymore, you could see that she took no pleasure in doing so.
When the audience began to clap as she was sharing her feelings with Jed Hannah stopped them, saying that this wasn’t an occasion for applause but a sad moment. She told Jed that she wasn’t trying to punish him, and that she was heartbroken as well. Hannah handled an incredibly awkward and painful situation with the utmost of grace and class.
I imagine that it must have been very inspiring for everyone watching to witness Hannah standing her ground and telling the person who’d betrayed her that his behavior had made it impossible for her to love him anymore.
Even as Jed professed his undying love to her, Hannah modeled to the world an incredible degree of self-respect by saying that she needed and deserved honesty and since Jed hadn’t given this to her, it was over between them forever.
When Hannah shared with Chris that she’d learned so much doing the show, including her realization that she’s “hella strong,” nobody doubted her.
The Bachelor franchise is a fantasy-based reality TV show and for that reason, some people don’t take it very seriously. Every now and then, however, despite all the artifice, something real and meaningful happens. These are, after all, real young people with real emotions, who are doing their best to get what they’re looking for.
In this season, I think that what Hannah found was her inner strength. After years of being fearful about being alone, Hannah finally learned that she’s enough, and that if she’s going to be with someone, it’s going to be on her own terms – with the utmost of mutual respect, trust and openness.
It’s surprising for a fluffy reality TV show like this to be such a shining example of the right way to handle difficult relationships. While it’s true that Hannah made a few mistakes with Luke P. she more than made up for it with Jed. Her learning curve on the show was steep.
Ultimately, Hannah showed us all what it looks like to have self-love and self-respect. She modeled grace under pressure and a degree of compassion for the person who’d hurt her (and humiliated her in public) that is rarely seen on the big or small screen.
We can all take a lesson from Hannah on how to deal with betrayal in love. She didn’t lash out at Jed; she asked the right questions and she listened carefully to what he had to say. She gathered all the information she needed in order to make the decision that was best for her.
She didn’t act impulsively. She took her time to decide about breaking off the engagement. She chose not to rub Jed’s nose in his mistakes on the final show, but rather, she was gentle with him. She basically gave us the updated rule book for how to handle this kind of awful, awkward situation.
Hannah Brown, my hat goes off to you. For a young person – heck, for a person of any age – you’ve shown a remarkable degree of poise, self-awareness and compassion, including compassion for yourself. Everyone could learn a thing or two from you.
We thank you for your courage and your honesty; your humor and your wisdom; your perseverance and your openness. We admire you, we stand with you, and we wish you all the very best.
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