When you’re trying to make a new romantic connection, there are a few behaviors that you should be aware of, because they’re guaranteed relationship killers, at least if you’re looking to connect with a well-adjusted, caring person. You might attract some troubled, difficult people with these behaviors, but then you’re just setting yourself up for unnecessary suffering.

These are the three relationship killers you really want to avoid early-on:

1. Being desperate. Desperation is associated with two problems. The first problem is that it makes you come across as needy. Reasonably well-adjusted people don’t like to see someone being so obviously needy right in front of them. It’s uncomfortable and awkward and a big turn-off to a potential romantic partner.

Also, when you’re desperate, the other person wonders whether you’re actually interested in them or you’re just desperate to connect with anyone. Your desperation makes the other person feel like they’re not special to you and that in your desperation, any old partner would do.

2. Being too intense. Reasonably well-adjusted people become uncomfortable when you come on too strong. This is because people who are psychologically healthy often prefer to start things off in an easy-going manner and then let the passion and emotional investment build over time. This allows both people to gradually get to know each-other and develop a natural intimacy. For well-adjusted people, too much intensity at the start feels like too much, too soon.

Another thing to realize is that it takes a lot of energy to deal with someone else’s intensity. You don’t want to be tiring someone out before you’ve even started the relationship. They might think that it’s not worth that much effort so early on, and then you’ll both miss out.

3. Being too generic. If the new person you’re dating asks you what kind of restaurant you want to go to or what movie you want to see and you say, “whatever you want,” they’ll have no idea who you are. Having passions, preferences and opinions will tell the other person who you are and if they’re a caring person they’ll want to get to know you.

There’s always the risk that the other person will disapprove of some of the things you like or disagree with some of the things you believe in, but at least you’ll find out quickly that you’re incompatible. On the other hand, it’s guaranteed that a caring person won’t want to be with you if you’re a completely blank canvas. This type of person is looking for someone who they can connect with on different levels. If you’re so generic that they have no idea who you are, no connection is possible.

Of course, these aren’t the only things that will kill a budding relationship, but these are three things that you can pay attention to right now and if you stop them, your chances of relationship success will go way up.