We need good father figures:
After days of suspense, the results are finally in for the recent US election, with Joe Biden being declared the winner. I found it particularly interesting that both candidates happened to be men in their seventies, and that got me thinking about the differences between a good father-figure and a bad one.
In differentiating a good father-figure from a bad one I’ll start by explaining what makes a bad father-figure. And it should be noted that these characteristics apply to father-figures in politics, in business and in families. So when I use the word “children” in this article, it can be interchanged with “employees” or “citizens.”
Five characteristics of bad father-figures:
1. Bad father-figures always put their own needs first. Bad father-figures care about themselves more than they care about others and therefore, their need for love and approval is greater than their sense of responsibility toward others. They always do what’s in their own best interest as opposed to doing what’s best for their children.
An example of this was Mr. Trump holding crowded, mask-less rallies in which hundreds of his followers showered him with adoration, all the while risking their own health and safety. His priority was soaking in the love, as opposed to keeping his followers safe.
2. Bad father-figures tell their children what they want to hear, as opposed to the truth. They don’t want to make their children upset with them and risk their popularity so they’ll pander to their children in order to maintain their beloved status.
An example of this is Mr. Trump minimizing the importance of masks and social distancing in general. He knew that many of his followers don’t like these ideas so he went along, knowing that his followers would be at much greater risk of contracting Covid, becoming ill and even dying, as a result. The fact that over thirty thousand attendees of his rallies contracted Covid and over 700 have died so far indicates that he would do anything, including risking the lives of his followers, in order to maintain his popularity.
3. Bad father-figures give their children what they want, as opposed to what they need. A bad father-figure will indulge their children’s worst habits if that will keep them in their children’s good graces.
An example of this is a father who literally gets “brownie points” by allowing his children to eat junk food for dinner when the children need to eat nourishing food. In business, it’s a supervisor who allows staff members to come in late and take extra-long lunches, thereby decreasing staff morale and productivity, but maintaining the supervisor’s popularity. It’s a father who allows his 14 year-old daughter to date a 19-year old man. She thinks he’s a “cool dad” but in truth, he’s abandoning his child.
4. Bad father-figures bring out the worst in their children. A bad father-figure is intolerant of dissent so if he perceives one child as disobedient because she isn’t going along with everything he says, the bad father-figure will pit the more obedient children against her. He will choose favorites and spoil them while criticizing, threatening and punishing the children who refuse to fall into line.
An example of this is when Mr. Trump encouraged white supremacists to “liberate Michigan” because he was angry at its governor, Gretchen Whitmer for her Covid-19 restrictions, and soon after, a plot to kidnap this governor was discovered and thwarted.
5. Bad father-figures abandon all their children. Despite all their empty promises, bad father-figures are only ever thinking about themselves and even those who love and support them don’t get what they need.
An example of this is how the American economy, America’s standing in the world, and the security of the US are at an all-time low since Mr. Trump has been president. Those who voted for Mr. Trump are not getting the benefits they envisioned from having elected him president.
A bad father figure spoils his children, punishes them and abandons them. What he doesn’t do is listen to them, take good care of them, or protect them. From the characteristics of a bad father-figure, it’s easy to see what a good father-figure does.
Five characteristics of good father-figures:
1. A good father-figure makes sacrifices for his children. He always puts his children first. He cares more about his children than he does about his own gratification. He will work long hours and give up what he needs in order to make sure that his children are getting their needs met.
An example of this is Joe Biden who, when he could be enjoying quality time with his family, has stepped up to lead the country despite great personal cost.
2. A good father-figure responds to his children’s needs. With empathy and kindness, he listens carefully to what his children are asking for and then he takes direct action on their behalf. Sometimes, he has to say “no” if what his children want is not in their best interest, and he’s willing to risk his popularity to do what is best for them, not what makes him look good.
An example of this is Joe Biden who says that we have to listen to science and scientists if we want to beat the pandemic. He knows that a lot of people don’t want to hear this and will be mad at him, but he’s giving the people what they need, as opposed to what they want.
3. A good father-figure nurtures and unites his children. He’s there for them even when they disobey or disagree. He doesn’t favour some of his children over others and he tries to bring his children together rather than divide them.
An example of this is Joe Biden who, in his acceptance speech as President-elect, said that he intends to be a president for all Americans, not just for those who voted for him. He intends to unite the country, seeing it not as red states or blue states but as United States.
4. A good father-figure protects his children. He creates the circumstances that ensure the safety and welfare of all his children. He fiercely defends his children, even if they’re angry at him or saying bad things about him.
An example of this is a politician like Joe Biden who will raise the standing of his country in the world, forge strong alliances and work for peace and prosperity, thereby ensuring the safety and security of the nation.
5. A good father-figure tells his children the truth. With compassion and clarity — otherwise known as Ruthless Compassion — he tells it like it is so that his children are well-informed and possessed of the facts. He prioritizes honest conversations that empower his children and enable them to make the best decisions for themselves and those around them.
An example of this is Joe Biden encouraging the scientists to share the facts about Covid with the country because even though it might be painful to face the truth about the pandemic, it is what will help the people stay safe and ultimately, return to normal life.
Understanding the differences between a good father-figure and a bad one can help us see why it’s so important that our bosses, Dads and politicians try to be the best possible father-figures.
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