Five Tips on How to Break Up Like a Gentleman

Summer is here and the long, brutal winter is behind us. You might be someone who’s been unhappy with your relationship for a long time, but just didn’t have the energy to end it.

Now that summer is here, you feel motivated to let go of what doesn’t work and maybe start something new, something better. You have to break up.

Breaking up is one of the least fun things a guy can do. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, even painful at times. People’s feelings get hurt. They might get angry at you, or worse, start crying.

Breaking up, though, is part and parcel of being a grown-up who has relationships. You need to know how to do it and how to do it right.

There’s a gentlemanly way of breaking up with your partner and there’s the other way, and you don’t want to be that guy. Believe me, word gets around if you have a habit of breaking up in the wrong way.

Every woman who was a fan of the TV show, Sex and the City, and a few men as well, will remember the episode in which Berger, Carrie’s boyfriend, broke up with her on a Post-it note. Forever afterwards, he was the guy who broke up with a Post-it note. You don’t want to be that guy.

So here are your five tips on how to break up like a gentleman:

Tip 1: Do not behave so badly that you provoke the woman into breaking up with you. That’s cowardly and nasty and will instantly give you bad karma.

Tip 2: No email, text, tweet, Facebook or God-forbid, Post-it note break-ups. Man up, call the woman on the phone and tell her that it’s not working for you. Phone is better than face-to-face, as the woman gets to avoid the embarrassment of looking into the eyes of the person who’s rejecting her.

Tip 3: If you live together, do it at home. You might be tempted to break up in a public place, in order to avoid a scene, but that puts the woman in a more vulnerable position, as she’s being rejected out in public. Be a decent person and spare her the humiliation.

But, do not succumb to the temptation to jump into bed, either to comfort her, avoid your own discomfort or remember the good times. You’ll only confuse her and get her hopes up, or you’ll anger her even more. Breaking up means ending all aspects of the relationship, now.

Tip 4: Do not disappear without a word. A gentleman does not leave things hanging. He politely and respectfully lets the woman know that it’s over.

Tip 5: Don’t get your friends or the media to inform her that you’re breaking up. That’s a cop out. You’re an adult. Muster up your courage and tell her yourself.

Final point: If you’ve broken up with a woman and she totally falls apart or threatens suicide, the answer is not to get back together with her.

You are not responsible if a woman reacts in this way to a break-up. You need to contact her family, or call 911 if you feel that she’s a danger to herself.

If you allow her suicidal gesture to bring you back, you’ve just shown her that she has the perfect tool for keeping you with her, forever.

Don’t get hooked. If you need to break up, break up. Get her family and/or the experts to deal with her emotional issues.

For more tips on how to have successful relationships (and proper break-ups) with women, check out my new book from my Short and Sweet Guides to Life series, “Women Decoded: The Secret Strategy for Relationship Success,” available on Amazon.com

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel to watch my series Moving into Autumn with Good Self-Care, where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones this fall season.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.