Out with the old, in with the new

As the New Year approaches, most of us are relieved to be saying good-bye to 2021. It hasn’t been a great year. Although better than 2020, to be sure, what we’d hope for—an end to the pandemic and a return to life as we knew it—didn’t materialize this year, and that was a huge disappointment.

There have been some amazing scientific breakthroughs, with the development of effective vaccines against COVID-19, and the recent approval of a new anti-viral pill to take at the early stages of infection, that could prevent more serious illness and hospitalization.

We haven’t had to go back into lockdown in most parts of the world, and many of us were able to give our loved ones a hug for the first time in over a year.

On the other hand, we’re in yet another wave. Omicron is enormously contagious and all of a sudden, I know all sorts of people who’ve tested positive for COVID-19. Fortunately, all of them have two or three shots of the vaccine and so far, no-one has gotten seriously ill. Still, it’s a bit chilling.

This is one of the toughest starts to a New Year in recent history, and the impact on our mental health can’t be underestimated. People are exhausted, demoralized, frustrated, and fed up. A lot of people are furious and are taking it out on each-other, when what’s really going on is that they’re full of fear, which often masquerades as rage.

Counselors and therapists are in short supply as everyone is working overtime, trying to cope with rates of anxiety, depression, and addiction that are through the roof. Health care workers are quitting in droves due to extreme burnout from having no respite for almost two years. Children are dealing with mental health crises like never before.

Resolutions or hope for the future?

In the good old days, we would enter the New Year armed with serious resolutions—to lose weight, to eat better, to exercise regularly, to get that promotion, or to finish the novel we’ve been procrastinating over.

As we move into 2022, I’m not sure if we have resolutions as much as hopes for a better year to come. Hope is an important emotion, as it keeps us going when things are hard. Fortunately, there’s reason for hope. Scientists are saying that COVID-19 can’t mutate indefinitely, and although Omicron is vastly more contagious than previous strains, it might just be the last one. Let’s hope.

I’m hoping that in 2022, people can start being kinder, both to themselves and to each-other. We’ve all had plenty of alone time in which to contemplate our existence, and I’m hoping that all this time to think has enabled us to develop more self-compassion. We can recognize the mistakes we’ve made in the past year, and we can choose to learn from them instead of using them as an excuse to beat ourselves up.

The past two years have demonstrated increasing political polarization as well as the stark divisions between those who are for and against the COVID-19 vaccine. I’m hoping that in 2022 we can be more tolerant and understanding toward one-another and if we can’t agree, then we can agree to disagree more respectfully and peacefully.

Our anger is all about our trauma

I’m hoping that people recognize that the anger they’re feeling shouldn’t be directed toward those with different points of view. All that anger is really just a symptom of the trauma we share. Everyone is hurting right now. We might have different beliefs and we might make different choices, but what we share is our common humanity.

We all want to be happy and safe; we want to live in peace with freedom, health, love, and enough money that we don’t need to worry. We all rejoice when things go well and we all suffer when we experience loss, fear, and uncertainty; when we’re isolated and we feel helpless. I hope that in 2022, we can recognize how much we have in common and we can join together to support one-another.

Everyone thrives when we cooperate; when we recognize our interdependence and build stronger communities. Some politicians and speakers promote selfishness and an us-and-them mentality, but that leads to suffering for everyone.

We all need each-other. The welfare of our families, our communities, and our planet depends on us working together in harmony. I’m hoping that in 2022, we stop being so insular, judgmental, and accusatory. I’m hoping that we can look for what unites us, rather than playing the blame game. I’m hoping that we can come together rather than creating even deeper rifts.

Choosing to be a kindness warrior

In 2022, I hope that more of us decide to become kindness warriors—by this, I mean people who choose to always be kind, even when life is sometimes unkind. Being a kindness warrior has nothing to do with being a people-pleaser. It’s not about trying too hard to be nice. Rather, it’s choosing to be compassionate yet ruthless; always caring about each-other but never tolerating disrespect.

My concept of Ruthless Compassion supports us in becoming kindness warriors. It enables us to set healthy boundaries and limits; to stand up for ourselves and for those who don’t have a voice. It empowers us to be generous and altruistic without ever being a doormat, and it encourages us to say “yes” to love and acceptance and “no” to aggression and hatred.

A recent guest on my podcast, Lydia Denworth, wrote a book on the importance of our close relationships. The book is called Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond, and it shows how our social relationships are fundamental to our physical and emotional well-being.

Being a kindness warrior is one of the best ways to have close relationships because it enables us to be authentic, loving, and intimate without the potential drama, codependency, frustration, and resentment that can come from people-pleasing and being too nice.

Being a kindness warrior helps us feel more confident and secure in our close relationships because we can trust ourselves to take care of ourselves. We don’t have to fear being hurt, because a kindness warrior goes into every relationship with an open heart, an open mind, and open eyes.

I’m hoping that 2022 is the year of the kindness warrior. I invite you all to join in. Keep checking out my content for upcoming blogs, podcasts, videos, and interviews about how everyone can become a kindness warrior in the coming year.

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