In 2014, I wrote an article entitled, Why Love Will Heal the World, for LinkedIn. I posted a photograph with the article that had personal meaning to me. To those reading the article, it was just a picture of my two cats, Sweetface and Joey, but to me, it was a symbol of unconditional love and acceptance.
Sweetface was my first rescue cat, and Joey came along soon after her. I wasn’t planning on keeping Joey, but he had a serious heart condition requiring frequent doses of medication and therefore couldn’t be adopted out.
Joey was a very interesting cat and like all of my pets over the years, a great teacher. Even though he was affectionate with humans, Joey had obviously experienced trauma while he was living outside. His ears bore bite marks and he had a scar between his shoulder blades.
Like many feral cats, he must have gotten into fights, competing for the scant resources of food and shelter in the city. When he came to live with me, he was lovely with Sweetface and all the humans, but he looked at my tiny Yorkshire Terrier – another male – as a threat.
Early on, Joey attacked Beny a couple of times – a very upsetting experience for everyone – and soon it became clear that the dog and the cat had to be separated. For the rest of the three years that Joey lived with us, he and Beny occupied different parts of the house. But even though this cat was certainly complicated, and gave us a lot of trouble, I loved him with all my heart.
I didn’t want to have to separate my pets, but ultimately, it was the only solution that worked. I’d spent many hours watching the TV show, “My Cat From Hell,” with Jackson Galaxy, implementing as many of the solutions he offered for similar situations. I put Joey on natural calming drops, tried various behavioural practices and attempted to figure out strategies for successful co-habitation.
I started doing cat rescue work in 2010, arranging for spay/neutering, medical treatment and adoptions for the feral cats in my neighbourhood. Each time I brought a new cat into the house to be rehabilitated, Joey wanted to fight with them. He exhibited what animal behaviourists call “anxious-aggressive behaviour,” that is, he’d attack when feeling threatened, which always seemed to happen with strange cats or with dogs.
Meanwhile, Joey and Sweetface became a bonded pair. They’d nap, snuggled up together and he’d often groom her; it was so lovely to see. Joey and I had our special cuddle times as well, when he’d roll on his back and get his favorite tummy rubs. He’d purr and purr. What a darling boy.
Even though Joey was a rather difficult cat, I adored him, as did Sweetface, and it was a terrible blow for all of us when his heart finally gave out, last winter, at the age of eleven. It consoles me to think that I gave him a happy, loving home for the last three years of his life.
Some people might wonder why I kept such a difficult cat; one who was so antagonistic toward my beloved dog. The answer is simple. I loved him. He wasn’t a bad cat; just frightened and hurt from past experiences, and he expressed his fears through aggressive behaviour.
Once I separated Joey and Beny, the household returned to its usual, peaceful state, and there were no further problems. Being vigilant about keeping the two animals apart from one-another was a small price to pay for the love and happiness we all shared.
Pets are easy to love. Even when they misbehave, they aren’t really bad. It’s almost always because they’ve been hurt or abused or have experienced some sort of trauma. I was able to open my heart to Joey and see all his wonderful qualities, so that I could enjoy and appreciate him while he was with us.
It upset me when he attacked Beny (no serious injuries were incurred) but it would have been devastating to have had to give him away. I had bonded with Joey and he was my boy; I was attached to him as much as I was to my other pets .
I didn’t tolerate Joey’s bad behaviour; in fact, I arranged things so as to give him no further opportunities to hurt Beny. Loving a pet doesn’t mean seeing everything they do as acceptable, anymore than it does with regard to humans. Love means caring for a pet, but doing one’s best to minimize any destructive behaviour they might be engaging in.
I was able to love Joey, despite his flaws; care for him to the best of my ability; appreciate all his excellent qualities and mourn his loss at the end of his short life. Would I do it any differently if I had to do it over again? Absolutely not.
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