People are constantly posting photos of themselves online doing amazing things with amazing people. Whether they choose Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter or all of the above, many of these individuals have become social media stars. For those of us with relatively ordinary lives, it’s easy to feel like we fall short in comparison.
It’s almost an automatic reflex to compare ourselves to those people online who we think are living more exciting lives than we are. We see them doing these seemingly fabulous activities and going to these seemingly fantastic places and we think, “Why am I not doing that? Why can’t I have that lifestyle?”
The people posting their photos online look great all the time. They never have a bad hair day or a wardrobe malfunction. Their clothes and makeup are always perfect; their activities seem incredibly fun and exciting; they’re surrounded by beautiful, fascinating-looking people. We regular folk feel inadequate in comparison.
But should we be comparing ourselves to the pictures we see online? For many of us, it’s almost impossible not to do so. But when we do compare ourselves, we feel like we could never measure up.
It’s demoralizing, as we’re convinced that we’ll never be as attractive, as well-dressed or as popular as these people appear to be. We’re certain that we’ll never be at the right place at the right time, like these internet stars always are.
But there’s something we need to remember about online images. Their only purpose is to present their subject in the best possible light. These people are posting deliberately manipulated images in order to show us a version of themselves that’s at best, highly exaggerated and at worst, utterly artificial.
The truth is that many of the people who post these perfect lifestyle and beauty shots online aren’t living their best lives or being their best selves. Most of them are carefully curating the images they present, and some are manufacturing artificial scenarios in the same way as an art director for film, TV or advertising creates an imaginary world.
Film and TV directors create images in order to tell us stories; advertisers manipulate or distort images to sell us products, and people on social media post their carefully chosen images in order to make the best possible impression.
What’s the underlying motivation for this last group? Maybe it’s the ego boost that’s supposed to come with the illusion of fame; maybe it’s the hope of getting their sites monetized; maybe it’s insecurity and an excessive need for admiration – even if this admiration is based on an illusion.
The social media pictures we see every day are so convincing that they seem authentic. We tend to believe the hype and it’s sad because we’re judging ourselves as inadequate while comparing ourselves to images that aren’t real.
The internet lends itself to liars. Whether political lobbyists, advertisers or cat-fishers, too many people online are nothing like what they’re presenting. Some aren’t even people, they’re bots! The take-away message should be that just because we think something seems real online, it doesn’t mean that it is.
We need to be careful when comparing ourselves to others online, because more often than not, the person with the seemingly fabulous life is presenting a hugely false impression of their appearance, social life, finances, possessions and lifestyle. In fact, a recent Huffington Post article describes 11 things that people regularly fake on their social media profiles.
Comparing ourselves to others is always problematic. We habitually compare ourselves to those who appear to be better than we are and then we feel bad about ourselves. We rarely compare ourselves to those who appear to have less than we do.
We need to stop comparing ourselves to others in general, because the nature of such comparisons is to always make us feel “less than,” and this leads to unhappiness. We need to accept ourselves just as we are, right now.
We shouldn’t be trying to live up to the illusory standards of perfection we see online. We don’t need to be perfect to be happy. Happiness comes from living our best lives – not a replication of someone else’s life; it comes from being the best version of ourselves – not a carbon copy of someone else.
Choosing not to compare ourselves to others doesn’t mean that we should be complacent. It’s appropriate to be always learning, growing and changing, but we’ll be more motivated to change when we already feel good about ourselves.
Self-acceptance is more conducive to self-improvement than self-criticism is. With a positive attitude about ourselves rather than a judgmental one, we’re empowered to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be.
What we shouldn’t ever do is beat ourselves up for failing to meet these false standards of perfection. Perfection is impossible and unnecessary, and the truth is that no-one who posts their pictures on social media is anywhere close to perfect.
Sign up here for my free biweekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel to watch my series Moving into Autumn with Good Self-Care, where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones this fall season.
Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.
