In 2020, You Can Be Your Own Valentine

As Valentine’s Day approaches, some single people are feeling that familiar sense of dread. They’re thinking, “Another year without a Valentine’s Day date. Another year without a romantic partner.”

If you’re one of these people, you might be wondering how you’re going to get through the day, or even the month, given that the ads for Valentine’s day gifts and dinners are already flooding the internet.

If the idea of being alone on Valentine’s Day makes you miserable, please know that it doesn’t have to be that way. Regardless of your relationship status, you can have love on Valentine’s Day in 2020. You can be your own Valentine.

We live in challenging times. Despite our profound desire to connect, it feels harder than ever to find a close friend or a romantic partner. Loneliness has become a silent epidemic that’s plaguing Canadians. The former US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, has called loneliness a serious public health issue for that country.

People are increasingly isolated, doing more and more of their working, shopping and dining from home. As a result, it’s that much harder to build meaningful friendships. And what with all the cat-fishing and deceit surrounding internet dating today, it’s even more difficult to find a romantic partner. It can get discouraging, unless we recognize that we can still have more love in our lives.

You may already have loving relationships with your family, some friends, your children or other people’s children, even one or more pets. You need to invest more energy into these relationships so that you get the most out of them. You also need to work on having more self-love.

If you develop more self-love you’ll immediately start to feel happier and more fulfilled. Whether you’re single and looking, single and content, part of a happy couple or in a challenging relationship, everyone can benefit from more self-love.

Self-love is having the same tender emotions toward yourself that you might have toward a child or a pet. It’s valuing yourself, accepting yourself and caring for yourself.

Self-love can be broken down into a few components, including self-acceptance, self-affirmation, self-compassion and self-forgiveness.

Self-acceptance is feeling that you’re okay, no matter what. It’s unconditional positive self-regard.

Self-affirmation is believing in yourself, despite any mistakes you’ve made or failures you’ve experienced.

Self-compassion is being understanding and uncritical toward yourself, feeling entitled to good things and wanting them for yourself.

Self-forgiveness is giving yourself permission to be fallible and imperfect.

Even if you’re part of a loving couple, you’ll always benefit by having more self-love. Being loved by another person will add happiness, meaning and value to your life, but it won’t make up for a lack of self-love. Everyone needs both. We all need to be loved by others and we all need self-love.

On this Valentine’s day, whether you’re at home watching TV and eating ice-cream, or having a candle-light dinner with the person of your dreams, remember that in 2020, you can take advantage of the opportunity to love yourself more and give yourself more acceptance, affirmation, compassion and forgiveness.

You can value, appreciate and care for yourself. You can fill your heart with so much self-love that it overflows outward onto your loved ones, showering them with more loving-kindness. Because the thing is, being your own Valentine is a gift that keeps on giving.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.