Have you ever noticed that more couples initiate divorce proceedings in January than at any other time of the year? You must have wondered why that would be.

I think that there are a lot of reasons why people end their marriages in the New Year. January is a time for making resolutions and trying to do things differently, so it makes sense that if someone is unhappy in their relationship, they would choose that month to ask for a divorce. Still, I think that there's a bigger reason why people get separated in January as opposed to any other time of the year.

I think it's about tomorrow. When people end their relationship in January it's because they're thinking about the future.

After the holidays there are fewer distractions

Before I get into that, let me talk about some of the other reasons why I think people break up in the New Year. One reason is that when the holidays are over and people can no longer be distracted by the fun and festivities, they’re less able to ignore the problems in their relationship.

When January arrives and life is back to normal, it’s impossible to ignore the problems in their relationship. They’re forced to face how miserable they've been, which is why they decide to separate.

Another reason why I think that people end their relationships in January is that after an extended break, the stress and responsibilities of normal life return, exacerbating the stress of their unhappy relationship. With all the stress piling up, a person can reach their boiling point and finally decide to walk away.

As I said before, January is the time for making resolutions for the coming year and if someone has been unhappy in their marriage, they might decide in January that after dithering for a while, it's finally time to do something about it.

Ending a marriage is extremely difficult

It's hard to end a marriage. You’ve spent years with this person; children are involved; you own property together; you share bank accounts, your families are inter-connected. There is so much invested in the relationship and in the life that you've created together that it’s daunting to contemplate a separation, no matter how unhappy you've been.

There are so many good things about being married, including the familiarity of knowing someone for many years; having help with the children; sharing the expenses, and having an extended family to rely on, that when you think about getting divorced, it's easy to talk yourself out of it.

But, if you finally decided that it’s just not working for you and you’ve made the difficult decision to separate, why then would you wait to do it in January as opposed to in November or December? Why wouldn’t you do it as soon as you gathered up the courage to cut the ties?

That brings us to the concept of "tomorrow." I do a lot of work around trauma and I’ve found that traumatic events become forever attached to a time or a place. Ending a marriage is obviously traumatic.

If someone is thinking about separating, they will usually wait until after the holidays because they don't want all of their future holidays and the future holidays of their children to be tainted by the trauma of a marital separation. It's bad enough to get divorced but why ruin the holidays forever afterwards?

There are a number of reasons why January is the month with the highest rate of marital separation, but I think that the main reason is that we don’t want to spoil future holidays for ourselves and our children.

______

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.