You probably already know this: there is no diet out there that actually works. Maybe you’ve tried one or more of them, and when they failed you blamed yourself. Well, it’s time to let yourself off the hook. Dieting, by it’s nature, can’t possibly work.
Dieting merely deals with a symptom (over-eating) and not with the real problem, which is, “What drives a person to over-eat?” If we deal only with the symptom, we might be temporarily successful, but if we don’t actually address the real reasons for our over-eating behavior, how can we expect the symptom-relief to be effective?
I believe that over-eating (and most other addictions) is caused by two things: the need to heal emotional wounds incurred during childhood and the need to give oneself the love, nurturing and soothing that wasn’t available in the past. We eat to compensate for what we didn’t have while growing up and to make ourselves feel better in the moment.
During childhood, if we didn’t receive adequate love, attention or protection or if we experienced any form of abuse or trauma, we develop what are known as emotional wounds. These wounds fester in our unconscious adult minds, requiring our attention and healing. If we haven’t learned positive and constructive ways of healing and nurturing ourselves today, we turn to the “false solutions” of addiction; over-eating being one of these solutions.
Unfortunately, over-eating never really satisfies. We finish our binge and what we’re left with is not a sense of fulfillment or inner peace but uncomfortable over-fullness, remorse, self-criticism and frustration. After all is said and done, the healing and love we need is as elusive as ever. On top of which, the guilt and shame set up a vicious circle of over-eating, self-reproach and further eating.
Dieting won’t give us what we need; in fact, it takes away the only solution we know to our longing for love and healing. It creates a sense of deprivation which just adds to our already-present feelings of emotional emptiness and need.
The more we restrict our intake, the more deprived we feel, and many of us get to a point where we can’t take it any longer. In defiance or despair, we go to the other extreme, over-indulging in everything we’ve been denying ourselves up until now.
This is why dieting often leads to weight gain, rather than loss. After weeks or even months of feeling miserable, we become so sad and angry that we compensate with food. If we’ve lost 15 lbs, we may regain 20. Clearly, depriving ourselves of food is no solution to our problem of emotional deprivation.
The way to let go of compulsive over-eating (and other addictions) is to engage in an in-depth process of emotional healing and self-nurturing. The more severe our compulsive behavior is, the more time and energy we’ll need to invest in this process.
Ultimately, as we give ourselves what we’ve missed out on and have always craved, our cravings for food will begin to fade away. When we are truly emotionally fulfilled, we will no longer need to fill ourselves up with food.
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